Intelligent Design

If I have to inhale all this smoke I at least want the nicotine buzz.

In the last two weeks I fell at a wedding, walked into a glass door, and visited my folks in Montana.

Let's review the flight to Montana. I decided to park at work for free, instead of the airport since I work nearby, and have my friend Rhonda drive me from there to the airport. Terminal C at SJC looks like a war zone right now. I expected chickens and goats to be running amok through the one lane (other two lanes coned off) of traffic we were stuck in. Not to worry I did not arrive late, but the pile-driver and the dust from the construction reminded me of being in a third-world country. Even though I have never been in a third-world country.

The skycap wouldn't check my bags since my flight had been delayed and I may have missed my connection flight from Salt Lake City to Missoula. I waited in the 1.5 hour line with a full bladder. I really think if they made urination cessation an Olympic event I would at least get the bronze.

The folks behind kept bumping me and getting in my space so I put my suitcase between me and them. I turned around to find the woman actually resting upon my Lockheart handbag which was on top of my suitcase. I told her, maybe even a little loudly, to stop touching my crap and told her mate to stop sneezing on me. It was lost on them since they didn't speak English. I suppose the universal language of Extreme Irritation was understood since they both hopped back.

The ticket lady informs me I have no way of getting to Missoula until the next day. I was the lucky recipient of a free night's stay at the San Jose Clarion. I couldn't go home since my house/dog sitter was arranged to be there, and how otherwise would I get to the airport at 4 am? 4AM yes 4 A in the fucking M. My only option to get to Missoula was to catch a 6 am flight out the next morning, la tee freaking dah.

I was banished to wait in the free shuttle bus stop which was right the hell next to a pile driver, which was actively pile-driving, the entire half hour I waited for the shuttle from the airport to the Clarion. They actually installed a free ear-plug dispenser there. No surprise my chummy line-friends were also waiting with me in the bus stop, and of course even went to my hotel.

Fast forward to the Clarion. I made the best of my situation by enjoying the bar at the Island Grill at the Clarion. Four vodka tonics later I went to bed and got up at 3am. A wake up call, digital alarm clock and cell phone alarm were all instrumental in my getting up on time. I was surprised at how easy that was. Going to sleep at 8:30 helped, and the four vodka tonics helped me fall asleep at that hour even though it was still light out.

Having a good book, a crossword puzzle book, earplugs, and a Reader's Digest helped me keep my sanity.

So that's my SJC terminal C story.

On another note, I've concluded that Intelligent Design cannot be true since no intelligent being would make putting a Qtip in your ear feel so damn good if it were bad for you.